Follow the ball to the bat....

If you know me, you know that my family means everything to me....EVERYTHING. So if you know me, you know that the last few weeks have been extremely difficult. My uncle, Walter Martin, has been fighting a battle...for his life...well he lost it today....but won big because he is safe in God's arms with many of his loved ones who have beat him there.

Walter is like my second dad....he is my dad's best friend....his brother in everyway possible without being blood. it has been so hard watching daddy lose him...he is so strong... both of them. These two men who have been in my life every step of the way.

My memories of Walter are funny, loving, strong, and burnt in my heart forever. Here are a few thoughts..

• I don't remember this...but Daddy & Walter ended up with the toilet in the front yard when they watched me and Jon for the first time...ALONE...they learned you can't flush a cloth diaper
• my nick name he gave me...Ju-Q and always greeted me with hey gal!
• he taught me how to play baseball
• he taught me some basketball skills
• I would kiss him and granddaddy and daddy after every ballgame in school with a kiss on the cheek and he would tell me if I did ok or not and give me a few pointers.
• He was at my wedding and helped with the reception
• we would talk to me about my boys and sports
• taught me about hard work
• living on the farm
• don't pour more tea than you are going to drink... LOL
• He loved his friends
• He loved to pick on daddy & and oh the stories...the stories they would tell about eachother
• Dad always called him his brother.."my brother"
• you fight hard because you love hard

I was probably about 5 years old when Walter and my dad coached Jon & I in T-ball. All I can remember was Walter telling me to follow the ball to the bat....

FOLLOW the BALL to the BAT...

Now that I am 34 years old....that means so much more to me than before.

You see we can get so focused on all kinds of things in this life that don't matter....that don't mean anything....waste our time on things that don't bring any good to us or those we love. It is just like getting up to bat....we have to keep our eye on the ball to get a good hit.
We have to focus on the ball....
we have to FOCUS on what matters.
Focus on things that mean EVERYTHING to us...
Focus on spending our time on things that bring goodness to others
FOCUS on what counts most in LIFE

Anything else....is just another strike.....

Let's focus on what matter's most...the LOVE Jesus shows us all...and share it with the world.

Walter...you made a home run in my book with your life. Thank you for fighting the good fight...thank you for loving us all so much!

love your gal....your Ju-Q

I am stronger....

I love pictures. I wish I could take pictures without a camera. I see things all the time and I think...."don't forget this moment!"

I had one of those moments today. It was beautiful!!!!

So, if you have been on my facebook page at all...You have heard about Red Dragons. I am hooked and I have no shame in telling anyone. I always said I never had time and I couldn't work out...you know the excuses. Well....that has stopped and now you can't stop me! I am working out all the time and getting stronger....little did I know the impact it would have on me spiritually and mentally as well..

After running the 1 mile with my boys at Fired Up and Fit, we were all playing under the water. Lori had asked me to take Gunner with me to get him wet too. He lit up with giggles and so did my heart. I let him down and he was running everywhere. I watched him run past me....the light was hitting just right and there it was...a rainbow that was practically chasing him. I stopped and all I could do was smile. As I type these words, the tears run down my face.

When Brooklyn died...I started on this very dark, empty, lost place. A place I was in for a very long time. A place that no one knew I was in and a place I pretended not to be. Mostly because I am Julie...I don't get down...I am positive Polly...I am a friend to everyone...I GOT THIS....and the ugly truth of some people just think you need to get over death after a certain time...well don't get me started on that. I will save that for another post. When I saw the rainbow today, I knew....without any doubt that the darkness was completely gone. I am at peace now...I know that I am strong because GOD is STRONG for ME!

As I look back over the journey God has taken me down, I know that He never left me...I know that HE gave me WHAT I needed...and when I needed it. He knew that the support and love I would get from this group of wonderful people would give me the strength I needed to proceed to heal. Now...part of my life will be a surprise to my Red Dragons...because I didn't tell (all of) them. But, what they also didn't know is that by building muscle and doing things that I couldn't do or thought I couldn't do before....it strengthen my mental aspect...which made me spiritually stronger, too.

I remember the "hissy fits" Ronnie would let us have when I first started. (you get to beat the crap out of a dummy) No one saw...but I would cry with every punch...because of all that was within my heart.... it has since been washed clean. Amen

I am not going to ramble on ...I just want you to know...whoever reads this...if you are in a DARK place...if you feel lost....lift your head up...HE is there...leading YOU to where YOU need to go. I am so glad HE lead me to the Red Dragons. I am who HE wants me to be......STRONGER!

Thanks to ALL the Red Dragons and for Ronnie following his heart to do what he does and to Karen for Yoking with HIM. :) "if grace was an ocean...we would be drowning"

I look to you

I am so mad....i am furious.....I scream so loudly in my heart sometimes it takes my breath....I have questions with no answers...I have pain with no ending...I have an ache so bad to help others in their own pain...that I don't deal with my own..."but that is a gift you gave me, right, Lord?" I am mad...but I look to you.

I am mad, Lord...that with this fresh crisp air this morning...that everyone loves...all I could think of was that morning...I hit my knees and begged you....pleaded with you not to take her...... but I looked to you....

I am mad, Lord....that when I think of her....I cry....there was not enough time....I didn't get to buy more pink stuff...I didn't get to brush her hair...braid it...take more pictures....be her aunt....I am sad, Lord...but I look to you...

I have questions Lord....why her? Why now? Why can't I fix their pain? Why can't I carry their load? Help them somehow? WHY? .....but, I look to you....

I am so sad Lord, everything is different....I feel lost sometimes...uncertain of what to say or do...but, I still keep looking to you....

In all my saddness....my anger....my unanswered questions....I look to you...

WHY...some may ask...but there is no other answer....I look to Him in all I do....in all I face....with every passing day of every storm I have ever endured....He has been my constant. Lord, you have been my refuge....my strength....so that now I can dig through the rubble and I can find the things you have provided for me to help ease my pain...I know it is there....I know YOU ARE THERE....

I know Brooklyn is so happy and that I could never wish her to come back to anything less than what she has learned to call her home...Sweet Heaven...in your arms...safe and loved....I could never....no matter how many tears I cry....I am happy for her Lord....because I looked to you Lord.

I know that even though these last year has been....well....it sucked! sorry...but it did...you give me signs of such grace and mercy....when I am with Gunner I think...does he miss her? Will he ever know? well...you showed me again....just a few weeks ago we were at Grandma's and Gunner was walking around and he had a picture frame he was holding...I said...what you got Gun-Gun...and what was it you ask? It was him and Brooklyn...together...Thank you for that moment, Lord...because I looked to you!

Of all the things I miss about being her aunt....you give me moments to fill my heart....brushing hair...poor Ella's hair is going to fall out of her head I think....I brush that child's hair everytime she comes over...she doesn't seem to mind....taking pictures....you have blessed me with so many babies in Brooklyn's Rainbow ...I celebrate life with them....only because I looked to you Lord.

My days are good and they are bad...but you always send those I need at those crucial moments...I am thankful for all your angels you have sent Lord....all because I looked to you!

My prayer tonight Lord...is for my family....my precious family that has been rocked to the core...please continue to build us up Lord. Please continue to remind us to Look to YOU...in all we do. Please be with my sister. Lord you know my struggle....trying to be Big Sister...I give her to you Lord...fully...Leslie, I give you to God. I can't fix it for you baby...I want to so bad....God can....give it to Him...Look to HIM. Please be with Jason as he continues to heal and show him the way. Amen.

My prayer for all those who read this...please take a moment and think about your own life...think about all that you face....I encourage you to look to God....He is the only one who can provide the things you need when you need them. I promise you....He will not let you down...for His love is greater than anything we could ever image...let His love in....let Him fill the wholes in your heart.....I know I would be a mess without him. LOOK TO HIM

Brooklyn, I hope you are blowing glitter in the wind baby!! I love you!! Your JuJu

The Day Everything Changed...

We all get so busy with life....day in...day out...run here...run there....get this done...get that done....check...check...just makes me tired thinking about it. We should take each day and make the most of it....you never know when it all could change....

There are so many significant days in my life that have shaped...changed who i am...

• first kiss
• first heart break....totally cried too much!!
• a blind date....man of my life...father of children... 
• high school graduation (night before with my Rose...what a night!)
• the day I met kara...I thought...I really want to be friends with her.
• college graduation....now what...10 years later...I am still saying now what?
• wedding.....beautiful day
• my sweet baby Mason is born....love him so much my heart hurts
• my grandfather's death...sometimes I think he took so much good with him...miss him
• my mom's heart surgery....longest day in my life not hearing her voice
• Patrick goes to IRAQ....Patrick returns....I wanted it to be so perfect for those guys...what a special homecoming
• My Sweet Sam Bo is born....my heart is so big and full of love for my 2 boys
• meeting Tanna and giving her a picture of mason with Sam's due date on the back of it so we could plan for her to keep them both one day...it was El Mexico and she had us at Hello...LOL
• New Job
• Another New Job
• Friends Coming and Going in and out of my life...for one reason or another
• the day Erin called me for the first time for pictures....
• My dad's retirement from Jostens
• my family extended by nieces and nephews
• Brooklyn died....uhh...that knocks the breath out of me just typing it
• living with death for many days....many many days....still today....uhhh
• ok...the day you decide to pick yourself up and make the best of it...the best of everything...THAT IS THE DAY

There is so much that can happen to us on a daily basis...some good...some bad...some life sustaining...some life changing....I don't know about you...but I am going live and learn more....love and laugh more...and ASK more from God when I need something....One thing is for sure....you will get more out of life....if you put more into it....If you make bad choices....you will get bad results....choose wisely.....seek wisdom in all that you do....and we all know there is only one place you can find wisdom and it is not found on this blog...face book...twitter....or TV's latest reality show....WE KNOW where to go...so is this the DAY you decide to seek wisdom?

Good days or Bad days...key is never to forget....there is a lesson in all that we "walk through"...key is to keep walking.

One day not listed above is 9/11...
Lord, I pray we never forget the tragedy of that day...the sacrifices made...the lives lost and the lives saved. I pray for each family member still mourning today and for the soldiers still fighting. I pray we find that spirit of Patriotism today and everyday as we found the love of the USA during that horrific time. I believe that will make America Stronger. God's blessings to you all. Amen

My name is Julie and I am a foodaholic...

Let's talk about something else.....food and my absolute love for it. I believe more than ever that food is an addiction. Food is a drug!!! We are suppose to eat 3 times a day....well...I like to eat...when

• I am happy
• I am sad
• I am stressed
• I am worried
• I am board
• I am having fun
• I am socializing
• I am....well...breathing

Just think about it...living in the south...we gather to eat for EVERYTHING.

• birthdays - let's go out to eat
• had a hard day at work - let's go eat
• get a new job - let's eat
• retirement - let's eat
• Sundays - let's eat
• every holiday - let's eat
• baby is born - let's eat
• someone passes - let's eat
• wedding - eat
• graduation - eat
• the boss is gone...let's eat...ok so that is just me...LOL

You get the picture....eat...eat...eat....

Well, I finally had enough and gained some control....here is me back before THE DIET with my beautiful friend....Kara...she told me there would come a day when I had enough and only I could decide that enough was enough...and it came...April 2012 when I joined Metabolic Research Center (MRC) in Murfreesboro.

So...25lbs down later...I am feeling great and LOVING MRC!! The ladies are great...program wonderful...progress great...but I am not done...I am shooting for 40lbs down.

Here I am with my handsome husband 25lbs down....feeling great.

Well, I ended my time at MRC and started my journey on my own to loose the last 15lbs and well...I have not done that great. I think it is the accountability piece that i am missing. I have put on about 3-5lbs..depending on the day..uh

So..I am going to start blogging this journey...of my last 15lbs. so here goes nothing..

What I promise to do or not do:

• I started this today...and oh my...I never thought 20 minutes could hurt so bad.
• no chips
• no chocolate
• 100 oz of water a day

I will start with that....wish me luck.
HEBREWS Chapter 10-13 is powerful for the journey of keeping the faith in all things...I am going to have to pull from these words to defeat this devil.....FOOD!!!

I wanted to share this blog too..www.mamalaughlin.com she has great advice. (Warning: she has NO FILTER)

There was a wreck....

it was early...
tires screech...
marks are made...
on the road...
so deep and so dark....
about 4am...
911 called..
phone rang....
we went running...
one car involved...
ambulance there...
police there...
on lookers everywhere....
just looking...no words...
at the hospital now...
there has been a fatality....
we cry...
we scream...
we talk...
people gather...
tons of people come...
there is paper work...
there are arrangements to be made..
more decisions to make...
questions to be answered....
more crying....
then the funeral....
then the graveyard...
then everyone leaves...
its time to go home...
time to move on to the next day...
people are gone....
they have forgotten or so it seems...
we still SEE..
we still FEEL....
we still KNOW...
those deep....
those dark...
marks are still there...
on the road...
we feel the impact of that wreck everyday..
we see the moments before the wreck....
we wonder what would of happened if we could go back..
we want to go back...
but we can't
there was a wreck..
everything is changed...
everything is different...
its a wreck..

Before we lost Brooklyn....life was like a beautiful ride on a gorgeous fall day....the wind in your hair....the sun on your face...and then it happened...the WRECK....

A wreck is the best way to describe death and how it truly feels. It happens...the wreck......everyone rushes to the scene...they do their job....then everyone leaves and then...it comes....THE AFTER.....you are still standing there alone....dumb founded by the sheer shock of what just happened and what are you to do now? I have been in an actual wreck before and I remember afterwords being somewhere and literally feeling the jolt of my accident. It is the same in death....the JOLT comes so often...the pain still comes...the tears still fall....but every one's done their job...the mess is cleaned up...but there was still a wreck..there are still deep dark marks on my heart....

Now, I know what you are thinking....Julie...God is with you...Brooklyn is with God...He is going to get you through....YES I KNOW...I could just scream it....YES... I KNOW THAT!!!! But, my heart...my sister's heart....but our family...you just can't clean up those deep, dark marks from our heart...like it never happened...like we are just suppose to get over it...I don't think so!!

But you know what? God knows that....HE understands our pain....HE promises to never leave us...that is why I love rainbows so much....there are storms.."wrecks" that happen that turns your life upside down....but if you keep looking...keep your head up to the sky's....a rainbow appears and then you KNOW...God is with us....through the storms...

My prayer is that whatever storm you are going through...whatever  "wreck" you are recoving from...you KNOW that God KNOWS....He is with you in the journey...just keep your head up...just keep looking for those RAINBOWS.....

Julie

Never, never, never

If you had told me a year ago that I would be making my niece's birthday cake for her Celebration of Life ...I would of told you NEVER would that happen to us...such tragedy. NEVER...NEVER

Well...NEVER happened...she came...she gave us unbelievealbe joy....our baby girl...she died...we lived...but living in this manner is so difficult. It is best explained by saying that we died too...but kept breathing. That is what it feels like....like part of you had died.

I can't tell you the complete depression i was in for a while and sometimes still slip in it. I can't tell you how many posts I wrote and never posted on here...and I just read them...and glad I didn't ....not sure i even remember typing such words. It was ugly...it was lonely...IT IS OVER.

I am on a mission...to craete a Rainbow in ANY storm!!!! God has provided us all with something...something special...something only YOU have...something ONLY you can use at the right moments to either help yourself up again or to help someone else. I am so utterly greatful for all that God has given us. We have needed every ounce of strength just to get to this day...and the days ahead...

Here is Brooklyn's birthday cake...that I vow to make for her every year..

Happy Birthday, Brooklyn! I hope you had the best birthday in heaven any little girl could have. We love you!